I sauntered out to the barn tonight. Hands shoved deep in my pockets, head down I really wasn't in to this. This wasn't the moment for an evening walk especially to the barn. I had managed to avoid the barn since Saturday and when my sick husband informed me he hadn't fed the animals tonight - right after I had dressed for bed - I wasn't feeling the love. But truly feeling sorry for his miserable state I didn't put up a fuss. I did ,however, put it off for awhile and then I headed out. I opened the door of the darkened barn and immediately headed for the hay. It was just out of habit as I have done for the past 7 yrs., but I stopped short as the sick feeling hit me -- He's gone. No whiny. No clomp clomp as I would usually hear when you knew someone opened the barn door or no loud clang as you leaned against the stall door. My barn is dead without you Luck. I knew this would be difficult, but I kept telling myself it was just the thing to do. I have so much to do and so little time I didn't want you to be neglected. But even when I couldn't ride - you were there to remind me that dreams do come true and the site of you kicking up your hooves, rolling around or just standing there in all your black beauty was good for my soul. I know you are in good, loving care and I can visit whenever I want, but I miss you.
The Story of "Luck"
Eight years ago I was in the depths and despair of infertility. Six years of infertility. Three surgeries, months of drugs, appointments, tests and a host of baby showers to attend left me at times pretty discouraged to say the least. I will interject that I never hated attending the baby showers - I really was happy for the parents. It was just emotionally draining. I was just so hoping that one day it would happen for me. It was early 1999 and I was recovering from my latest laparoscopy. The time frame for which the Dr. had given for conception to occur after the surgery had come and gone. I wasn't pregnant.
For as long as I can remember I have loved horses. I was the girl that had 101 horses in my room.- all shapes and sizes. Calendars. Pillows. Notebooks. Breyers. Whatever is was is was better if it had a horse on it. The dreams I would have.... The several times I went riding as a kid linger in my mind as if it were yesterday. My mom subscribed to Country magazine. I would eagerly take it upon arrival and look at every picture from front to back - transposing myself there - with my horse and barn.
So, I decided. I'm not going to have children - I'm going to buy a horse. I found an ad of interest. It read "registered Quarter Horse" - what I wanted. I went to see him. I fell in love with his eyes. There was just something about the eyes - I could see his heart through his eyes. I rode him and all went well and we decided it would be best if we built the barn first. The owners did tell me that someone else was interested as well, but me being me knew that if it was supposed to be he'd be mine. The next month when the paper came out I hurriedly searched the ads to see if he was still listed. To my grave disappointment he was not and I was heartsick. The following month I had a twinge of hope as I just thought I'd look and he was there! I convinced my doubting husband it was definitely a sign and wanted to go see him again. This time I took my horse savvy friend - Rena. I wanted to make sure it wasn't infatuation and get a second opinion. OK - long story somewhat shorter. I bought "Pastor's Lucky Kid" - "Lucky" aka "Luck" (Lucky is after all a puppy with black spots). We boarded him until our barn was done. I was having the time of my life - me and my dream - come - true. After one month of ownership of my dear "Luck" I found out I was pregnant with my miracle baby - Lauryn Alexis. Dreams do come true! I don't believe in luck - just in case you are wondering, but I do believe God's timing and plan are perfect. So, think what you will, but I know that God gave me Luck from a lady named Hope and just when I thought I couldn't be happier - He sent me a miracle from Heaven - and I was.
Luck is currently being leased out to my cousin Ashley - who dearly loves horses. Hopefully I'm helping a dream come true. I know they will have wonderful days together and someday I think he will come back home, but for now I'm just a little sad. I feel better for getting it all out -- thank you for letting me cry all over the keyboard.